Grief Support Group

Oh no wonder I feel sad. It seems like every time I make a trip to this thread it's toward the end of the month lol. Well I just got through watching Tholstrup's video and I am crying. I know she did it to put a smile on our face, but when I hear little Michael sing it hurts sometimes. Maybe it's hormones you guys, I dunno. Some days I like to ignore that he is gone, but other days it hit me that he really isn't here.

This is why it hurts. December 2008 is when I really fell in love with Michael as an entertainer. Around that time, there was a rumor that Michael would die in 6 months. And I remember fans were like "I can't even picture the day he would die but I hope it is no time soon." Then Michael's people dismissed it as a false rumor and we were all relieved. Then 6 months came and he died. He actually died. It's like someone lied to me.

And my love for Michael was so fresh. All I had was six months to understand how special he was. And he left. It felt like a new relationship where you fall in love with someone in a matter of weeks, and just like that, they disappear without giving you an explanation. Just a little more time and I would have been one of his truest fans. But he left me, in 6 months he left me. And he didn't do it intentionally or peacefully. He was stolen from me.

Annie, there is nothing stopping you from still becoming one of his truest.  Michael's music and legacy will live on forever.  I have been a lifelong fan, but I still feel the pain, still experience the grief even though I had him for decades.

There I was in  a training class at work  today and the facilitator asked us who out favorite Entertainer was.  I tried no t speak but the attention was on me.  When I said Michael's name out loud I almost cried. For the past two days I've been wanting to scream as loud as I can. I feel it inside me just wanting to push its way out . Just to scream this pain away to scream loud enough so that maybe God will hear me To bring him back to us. I understand this sounds childish and maybe silly but I can't help the way that I feel . I  look at all these other entertainers sharing their stories of survival and over coming death and I feel upset with myself because the  very first thing I think is  " Why couldn't it be Michael? Why did Michael have to go instead"... Its Michael. He's always been there as a part of  life one or another and now he's not there anymore. How in God's name am I suppose to deal with that?  When I look at him I don't see a stranger or just  some singer on stage. he was never that to me. He was always so much more. A familiar face, Family , My heart's meaning (i'm truly not trying to sound dramatic)  from the beginning he stole it and made my eyes shine and opened my world to love ..to loving him like no else . Its the truth I will never in my life love anyone as Much and the very special way that Love Michael Jackson. There is not a day that goes by that i don't make a wish or plea to God for Michael to still be here  

I hate when other people talk about it to me because though they are sad as well . They don't understand everything and don't know just how much this man means to me. My family ties to console  me but it makes me angry because I don't even  wanna have to be in the position to need to  be consoled. I want him back here. I need him back here. I HATE THIS Soo Much.. This truly hurts I can honestly say

Coping with Death:

Source: http://www.gretachristina.com/comfort.html


The first thing is time, and the fact that we live in it. Our existence and experience are dependent on the passing of time, and on change. No, not dependent -- dependent is too weak a word. Time and change are integral to who we are, the foundation of our consciousness, and its warp and weft as well. I can't imagine what it would mean to be conscious without passing through time and being aware of it. There may be some form of existence outside of time, some plane of being in which change and the passage of time is an illusion, but it certainly isn't ours.




And inherent in change is loss. The passing of time has loss and death woven into it: each new moment kills the moment before it, and its own death is implied in the moment that comes after. There is no way to exist in the world of change without accepting loss, if only the loss of a moment in time: the way the sky looks right now, the motion of the air, the number of birds in the tree outside your window, the temperature, the placement of your body, the position of the people in the street. It's inherent in the nature of having moments: you never get to have this exact one again.




And a good thing, too. Because all the things that give life joy and meaning -- music, conversation, eating, dancing, playing with children, reading, thinking, making love, all of it -- are based on time passing, and on change, and on the loss of an infinitude of moments passing through us and then behind us. Without loss and death, we don't get to have existence. We don't get to have Shakespeare, or sex, or five-spice chicken, without allowing their existence and our experience of them to come into being and then pass on. We don't get to listen to Louis Armstrong without letting the E-flat disappear and turn into a G. We don't get to watch "Groundhog Day" without letting each frame of it pass in front of us for a 24th of a second and then move on. We don't get to walk in the forest without passing by each tree and letting it fall behind us; we don't even get to stand still in the forest and gaze at one tree for hours without seeing the wind blow off a leaf, a bird break off a twig for its nest, the clouds moving behind it, each manifestation of the tree dying and a new one taking its place.




And we wouldn't want to have it if we could. The alternative would be time frozen, a single frame of the film, with nothing to precede it and nothing to come after. I don't think any of us would want that. And if we don't want that, if instead we want the world of change, the world of music and talking and sex and whatnot, then it is worth our while to accept, and even love, the loss and the death that make it possible.




Here's the second thing. Imagine, for a moment, stepping away from time, the way you'd step back from a physical place, to get a better perspective on it. Imagine being outside of time, looking at all of it as a whole -- history, the present, the future -- the way the astronauts stepped back from the Earth and saw it whole.




Keep that image in your mind. Like a timeline in a history class, but going infinitely forward and infinitely back. And now think of a life, a segment of that timeline, one that starts in, say, 1961, and ends in, say, 2037. Does that life go away when 2037 turns into 2038? Do the years 1961 through 2037 disappear from time simply because we move on from them and into a new time, any more than Chicago disappears when we leave it behind and go to California?




It does not. The time that you live in will always exist, even after you've passed out of it, just like Paris exists before you visit it, and continues to exist after you leave. And the fact that people in the 23rd century will probably never know you were alive... that doesn't make your life disappear, any more than Paris disappears if your cousin Ethel never sees it. Your segment on that timeline will always have been there. The fact of your death doesn't make the time that you were alive disappear.




And it doesn't make it meaningless. Yes, stepping back and contemplating all of time and space can be daunting, can make you feel tiny and trivial. And that perception isn't entirely inaccurate. It's true; the small slice of time that we have is no more important than the infinitude of time that came before we were born, or the infinitude that will follow after we die.




But it's no less important, either.

I don't know what happens when we die. I don't know if we come back in a different body, or if we get to hover over time and space and view it in all its glory and splendor, or if our souls dissolve into the world-soul the way our bodies dissolve into the ground, or if, as seems very likely, we simply disappear. I have no idea. And I don't know that it matters. What matters is that we get to be alive. We get to be conscious. We get to be connected with each other, and with the world, and we get to be aware of that connection and to spend a few years mucking about in its possibilities. We get to have a slice of time and space that's ours. As it happened, we got the slice that has Beatles records and Thai restaurants and AIDS and the Internet. People who came before us got the slice that had horse-drawn carriages and whist and dysentery, or the one that had stone huts and Viking invasions and pigs in the yard. And the people who come after us will get the slice that has, I don't know, flying cars and soybean pies and identity chips in their brains. But our slice is no less important because it comes when it does, and it's no less important because we'll leave it someday. The fact that time will continue after we die does not negate the time that we were alive. We are alive now, and nothing can erase that.

Thank you for posting this Annie.

I can honeslty say that I have had to deal with death alot in my life. I've lost alot of  family members that i love very  very much. But this. With Michael..  i know that i will never be able to truly accept this, some days its too had to even handle.  There are days where it hits me like a ton of bricks  right into my chest that he's gone.

@PJ You’re welcome. I actually snipped part of the article out because I didn’t want to offend theists as it talked  about coping with death from a godless standpoint.

MissD71 wrote

I hate when other people talk about it to me because though they are sad as well . They don't understand everything and don't know just how much this man means to me. My family ties to console  me but it makes me angry because I don't even  wanna have to be in the position to need to  be consoled. I want him back here. I need him back here. I HATE THIS Soo Much.. This truly hurts I can honestly say

MissD71, well this is a thread for grief support so I hope you won’t turn us away because we are here to console each other. It’s not good to deal with these type of things on your own. So when you’re ready to be open to solace continue reading below:


I think the article I posted gives a beautiful way to look at death. Death is a part of loss, and loss brings forth a new beginning. With each passing thought comes a new thought. With each passing day comes a new day. Now what new beginning is Michael’s passing going to bring? His passing will bring the beginning of new legends. Think about it. If everyone was able to live an eternity since the beginning of time then there would be no Michael Jackson. The world wouldn’t have space for him due to overpopulation since no one would die. So the legends of the past had to die to make way for Michael. And Michael had to die to make way for new legends who will be adored by future generations.



Would we want to rob future generations of their own legends? No. Imagine if people of the past had that mindset and passed it on to future generations. The mindset that there will be no one greater than someone like Johann Sebastian Bash? Michael wouldn’t have a chance because people would be like “No artist will come anywhere near  Johann Sebastian Bash. Music was officially dead when he died.” Lol. Even Beethoven wouldn’t stand a chance with that low expectation for more great artists. I am saying this because you said you won’t love anyone else like you loved Michael. Well you have little hope for greater things to come and that’s sad. Even the people who are still living in your life are second to a man who has lived his life and passed on to the other side. They are trying to help you and you are pushing them away. That’s selfish. I know that sounds hurtful but it’s the truth.



It’s time to live your life now. This doesn’t mean you forget  about Michael. Remember him, but be accepting of nature’s decision.  Michael owes us nothing. He gave us all he had the 50 years he was on this earth.  He’s at peace now. Let’s be happy for him and get rid of this selfish attitude that we want Michael to come back and moonwalk for us or tell us he “loves us more” one last time. You are neglecting your loved ones at this point. You don’t want to regret paying them less attention because before you know it, they’ll be gone too. Our life here is finite. Cherish it and accept it. Because there is no guarantee that a life will follow the current one.


I mean it all with love,


Annie_ok

Annie Bless you sincerely I appreciate you reaching out to me. I am very lucky that I have a place that I can express my feelings  where i can be understood. i understand the meaning of all you've said and yes it is very beautiful and I also believe it to be true as well. In passing there must come life.. birth to  a new.  Absolutely correct.
I just hate with all my heart and soul that its Michael who has left so soon. I can honestly say that Michael is a true light in my life . I feel God's Love through him .  I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to know what this kind of love is.   The true depth of unconditional love and how beautiful it is.

 I must sincerely apologize. I do  not mean to make this about my own personal heart ache or take away from your beautiful post. Annie. The message that you've posted has not gone unheard. Thank you

It is okay to grieve friend. Grief can last for 6 months to 2 years. You are in the presence of those who do not find your love and affection weird and who know exactly what you're going through . I am slowly accepting his death (the final stage of grief), so I am trying to give you things that helped me through my grieving process. Just promise me you won't lose your loved ones or life over this, okay? His flesh is gone but his energy is still around us. This is not me talking like a hippie, but energy literally cannot be destroyed. So his energy is still around us.  And MissD71, you always had a  light , Michael just helped you realize it. His gift and heart made you realize your own gift and heart.

You know what? I think interacting with fans help a lot. If you can afford the SoCal trip I think you should go. I don't have the money right now, but if I did, I would be on the first flight lol. I just think you should visit something Michael you know? Like Neverland, or his childhood home, or Forest Lawn, or the Motown museum. If that's your beliefs then it'll give you an opportunity to say or write something to him. Or you know how some keep a prayer book for inspiration...maybe you can make a book of MJ quotes with your own decorations and illustrations. I know a few people deal with the grief by making youtube videos and writing stories or drawing. I hope one of these suggestions help you  Well, even if they don't, venting is still good. Vent on sister

WOW. Thank you. That was very sweet what you said Annie Thank you. I do very much consider you my friend . all us us here and we are Family united by the love we share for Michael.

unfortunately i don't have the money either to go to Socali. But I was invited by a coworker of mine to a MJ remembrance gathering on June 25th . I'm afraid to go because I don't know i'm going to be emotionally that day but then again you may inspire me to go. It may help to be around others who love him too..

This may sound strange but I have to Michael around me. it  makes me feel better just seeing him. I've always kinda been this way. It helps me to feel his energy and uplifts my . And Yes . Very True Energy never dies and I know that thought his energy Michael will always be here it's knowing that that helps me get through. . I am very thankful for that. I promise I would never lose Family nor myself.  Life i too precious and I have family who loves and needs me and believe or not Michael helps keep me strong. But I may vent from time to time during my down moments.

I've been dreaming about Michael every night as the anniversary approaches.

So awesome!  I was shocked this past weekend when my cousins' dance group did multiple dance numbers to Michael Jackson . I wrote about it on mj.com if anyone wants to check it out:

My Heart Was Warmed This Weekend

Please Join the members of MJIL for our Twitter event this Friday, June 25th beginning at 2:26pm Pacific. We will all tweet a series of 25 tweets in honor of Michael. The suggested tweets will be posted on the MJIL site  in our Twitter Battalion section http://www.mjil.net/legionnaires-lounge.html We also suggest you "follow" our MJIL account on Twitter (www.twitter.com/MJILORG) and become a fan of our Official Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/MJIL-Michael-Jackson-International-Legion/414856320102?ref=search

Today I feel like the lyrics to Michael's song "SHES OUT OF MY LIFE" .I dont know whether to laugh or cry. and i dont know whether to live or die. This loss really cuts like a knife because hes out of our lives.

The one year anniversary was really tough Mikeshotgirl.  We have all come a long way since a year ago, yet it still hurts, still pains.  I will always miss Michael; I will never forget him.

How can you forget such a loving person with a heart of gold.  Life will never be the same without our ANGEL.  How I miss him

I thought this was wonderful!

I am going to sound extremely dramatic with this post but....


I cannot sleep right now. I woke up in such a state of confusion you guys. This is not right. I can't keep going on like this is normal. Every time I think I'm done with the grieving process I find myself back in this thread. I'm just so confused. I feel like I need someone who can really understand the emotions that rushed through my head that day. Michael told us about all those other entertainers who let their lives go due to drugs. And then he dies from drugs??? I am just so confused I don't know who to be angry with anymore. I don't know who to blame for this anymore.

Something just went wrong and I can't put my hands on it. Michael looked so good in 2007 for that Ebony and Jet photoshoot. I know there was a lot of retouching but he still looked good. Then 2009, man. When Michael came out for that press announcement I was totally stunned by how he looked. He had an ill fitting wig, he looked very frail, and he was talking in a British accent. He wasn't all there, and that speech was so short and meaningless....ahh I just couldn't believe that was Michael. And when he died and the way he looked in TII. You guys he wasn't looking like that in 2008. Something went terribly wrong in 2009. I don't know if he hit rock bottom but something went wrong. There's a lot more to this story than Murray the idiot. I need answers or else I don't think I can ever move on properly from this.